worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
