I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
