3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
