Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
