If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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