I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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