Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
