Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I deserve this hangover.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
