i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Randomize
