Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
