Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
