saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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