gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
