After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I forgot how hot balto sounded
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
