His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
