For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
