i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
