Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
