We had to coat check the pizza.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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