I could make wine with my vomit
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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