You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
