She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
