I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
handjob tips. give me some.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
