The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize