im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
