sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
