thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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