I am puke
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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