just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
