butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
