I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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