it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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