i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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