Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
