If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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