I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
