he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
