Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Randomize
