It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
