WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
