I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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