What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize