Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
