nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
