it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
