it's too hot outside to masturbate.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
