All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize