I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
