the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
