Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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