Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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