dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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