i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
