he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
