there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
