I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
