so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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