She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize