you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
My bed smells like the plague
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
