you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
