i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
