I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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