I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
