oh god the rape fog is back!
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
