Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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