I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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