My first STD was from a foam party
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
