this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
