you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
