my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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