Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
