Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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