My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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