Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
