So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
