For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
