dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize