Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
