Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
