Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
