I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Randomize
