so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
