Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
