does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
the room spins SO much faster in panama
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
