That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
