I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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