I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
