I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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