honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize