There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
