he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
