I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
