Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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