I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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