you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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