Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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