Church boner. Awkwardddd
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
