Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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