god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
