he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
3pm strippers are depressing
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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