Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
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